⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️ IT'S NOT WEIRD ⚠️
🎉 YOUR DOG IS INVITED (AND SO ARE YOU) 🎉

Scott Turns 45 & Wants to Pet Your Dawg

It's a birthday. It's a dog park. It's DEFINITELY NOT WEIRD.

WARNING: Skin may melt off. Worth it.
🎥 I WANNA PET THAT DAWG 🎥
@mrspeeks0 #funnyvideos #funny #bear #fyp #memes #kids #kidsbelike #hilarious #cute #relatable #foryou #foryoupage #america #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #xyzbca ♬ original sound - Mrs peeks

☝️ me, looking out my window at literally any dog

🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾 BRING YOUR DOG 🐾
GUEST OF HONOR

The Official Statement

I am a grown-ass 45-year-old man (as of next week) and all I want for my birthday is to see you... bring your dog to the Glen Rock Dog Park.

I tried to get in by myself without a dog. They wouldn't let me. It's like going to Chuck E. Cheese to play the video games without a kid. Understandable. But still, a bit creepy.

So I need you. And more importantly, I need your dog.

The Tragic Backstory 🎻

I have a 10-year plan to convince Gwenn to let us get a dog.

I'm in year 21. It's not going well.

Year 1"What if we got a dog?" — "No." (Promising start.)
Year 7"What if it's hypoallergenic?" — "No."
Year 14"What if it lives outside?" — "We don't have an outside."
Year 21"What if I throw a birthday party at a dog park?" — "...Fine."

In fairness, she is trying to save my life. There isn't enough Claritin in the world to keep my skin from melting clean off my body if a dog were to actually live in my house. She's a hero. A real one. A medical professional could not have done better.

But I'm willing to risk life & limb for ONE day with your dog.

✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨ STILL NOT WEIRD ✨

The Indecent Proposal 💼💵

Listen. I'm not Robert Redford. I don't have a million dollars. I have Claritin, half a Costco bag of Pup-Peroni, and a deep, unwell desire to scratch your dog behind the ears for approximately 45 minutes.

But the offer stands. Name your price. (Within reason. Cash, Venmo, or homemade brownies accepted.)

⏰ ITINERARY

Schedule of Festivities 📋

A carefully choreographed descent into anaphylaxis, followed by cocktails.

⚠️ TIMES ARE APPROXIMATE · DOGS ARE NOT ON A SCHEDULE · NEITHER AM I ⚠️

12:00 PM · The Arrival Doors open at the Glen Rock Dog Park. Scott begins petting every single dog in attendance with the discipline of a man on a mission. Pre-Claritin levels: heroic.
12:45 PM · The Honeymoon Phase Scott has met your dog. Your dog has met Scott. Photographs are taken. Everyone is happy. Skin: still attached.
1:30 PM · The First Warning Signs A faint sneeze. A subtle eye-rub. Gwenn glances meaningfully at the EpiPen. Scott pretends not to notice and pets a Golden Retriever.
2:30 PM · Peak Dog Scott achieves maximum dog. He has touched every coat type known to the AKC. He is glowing. (That's the hives.)
3:30 PM · The Reckoning Skin status: melting. Lungs status: undecided. The ambulance is, in fact, on the way. It's fine. This was always the plan.
4:00 PM · Ascension 🪽 Scott is taken away. To heaven. (Or, more realistically, to Valley Hospital. Same vibes.)
8:00 PM · The Resurrection 🍸 Cleared by a medical professional and adequately steroided, Scott emerges to host drinks at Felina · Ridgewood. Bring stories. Bring photos of your dog. Do NOT bring your dog. (Felina has rules.)

🎂 THE DEETS 🎂

What
Scott's 45th Birthday Dog-A-Palooza (BYOD)
Where
Glen Rock Dog Park, Glen Rock, NJ
When
SATURDAY, MAY 16, 2026 · 12:00 PM
...until the ambulance comes to take me away. (To heaven. 🪽)
After-Party
8:00 PM · Felina · Ridgewood, NJ
Drinks to follow — once the epinephrine has done its work and I have been cleared by a medical professional to once again consume Negronis. 🍸
Bring
A dog. Any dog. Borrow one if you have to. (Legally.)
Kids
Welcome! Especially if they are a puppy.
Wear
Dog Park Casual.
🐾 RSVP — I'M BRINGING A DOG 🐾 😔 RSVP — No Dog, But I'll Pet Along With You
Q: What if I don't have a dog?Borrow one. Rent one. Befriend a neighbor with a dog and become inseparable in the next 7 days. OR — fine — come anyway and pet the dogs alongside me.
Q: Is this really happening at a dog park?Yes. There's a fence. There's grass. There's dogs. It's perfect.
Q: What if my dog is shy?Same. We'll be shy together. I will respect their boundaries. (I will hover nearby.)
Q: Will there be cake?I'll bring a cake. It will be for the humans. The dogs get a special pup-cake.
Q: Will Gwenn be there?Yes. She is contractually obligated. Be nice to her — she's saving my life one "no" at a time.
Q: Is this still not weird?It's STILL not weird. Please scroll up and re-read the banner.
🐶 SEE YOU AT THE DOG PARK 🐶 SEE YOU AT THE DOG PARK 🐶 SEE YOU AT THE DOG PARK 🐶 SEE YOU AT THE DOG PARK 🐶